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Um, hello.

Currently I'm in the sixth semester, and it's mid semester break. Kinda. Just wanted to update i guess. Last few months somebody told me that they found my blog and read it. So, I went to check in my blog just so i don't embarrass myself. And I read ALL my posts. Every one of them. And it kinda hit me pretty hard.... because as I was reading through my blog posts, I realized how happy I was back then. I bet if you read it from this post to the last, you'd realize it too. Even my bahasa is way better back then. lol.

It made me feel very devastated. Why did I let this happen? What did I do? How did my happiness got sucked out from me? I let the world stole parts of me bit by bit until left with what? A soulless body and a block of brain only to move and do maths. How depressing.

When I was in school I used to do sketches, play the piano, write poems, write stories. But at this age, I can't even do long posts. I still write stories but not as imaginative. My bahasa and english sucks. I always got stuck 2 pages in. When I draw, it's hard to find inspiration. I can't do poems anymore. Gets bored reading it. I can still play the piano but waaaay off. But my maths is still on point. Engineering is tough but I still love maths. I guess.

Also, not to mention, I feel like, I'm the ugliest that I've ever been. I want everything to end like rn. I'm going to graduate next year insyaallah. I reaaaally can't wait. So if anyone is reading this please pray for me that I can get through this with ease. Trying by best to be positive everyday. Thank god i still have friends that support me and check in on me constantly.

Loneliness

Hi guys :)

I'm already entering my first semester of my third year. It's the 4th week. Everything seems to be okay, I guess. Apart from my never to be found self esteem and confidence. In this post I will be going to talk about my social life i guess. If you didn't know, I've been single for a pretty long time. And I'm okay with that. (sometimes i do want to end my single life but that's a whole other post). What actually bothers me is that all of my friends have their own love partners, and I'm very happy for them. It's just that, sometimes, I want to do group activities but they have their lovers for that. Like, the other day, I asked them if they want to watch a movie. They politely declined me because they already planned to watch the movie with their partners. I mean, I can't be mad at them right? I should be happy for them. I do. But I'm not happy for me. Nobody's happy for me. I need an equally single friend for myself.